Its amazing how quickly everything changes.

This morning we were rushing to get to school on time and I needed to go grocery shopping. I reached into our closet to get a shirt and suddenly realized I don’t have to wear nursing shirts anymore. At least not unless I plan on pumping when I go out for the day. About a month and a half ago I posted a status on Facebook. I was really bummed out because I was wearing the same 4/5 shirts over and over. I ended up going shopping and was super excited to find two new shirts. However, I still was looking forward to the day when I could wear normal shirts again. This morning…I shed a few tears because that time has come. I am still not ready for that change.

Exactly a month ago I was participating in the 30 days of giving thanks. This was my post: “Day 3: no matter how much I miss dairy, red meat and seafood, I am extremely thankful I can exclusively breastfeed my baby boy”

I can’t remember if I posted about this before, but Logan hasn’t been able to exclusively breastfeed since Thanksgiving. His appetite came back, but my supply isn’t what it used to be. At this time, I owe everything to Fenugreek because I am still making some milk despite the extreme stress. Within a matter of a few days, I went from exclusively breast feeding to pumping and supplementing. I cried and said “I’m sorry” over and over to Logan the first few times I fed him formula. But I came to terms with it finally. It keeps him happy and well fed. He isn’t hungry and that is most important. He still snacks during the night and he nurses first thing in the morning. Rest of the day is with a bottle.

I was frustrated last month because he power napped and I couldn’t figure out how to get him to sleep longer. Last Friday he slept for 2 hours during the afternoon and I started freaking out because he started napping again.

I feel silly now. Hindsight is 20/20 though. I now cherish every moment. I don’t play with my phone to pass time while he nurses. I watch him and hold him a bit closer. I have taken some videos for myself to remember these precious bonding times. I still wear my nursing shirts out and about even though he isn’t able to nurse anymore. I’m not quite ready to let go of that yet.

Things change so quickly. Its unbelievable. Cherish every moment. Even the 2/3/4am wake up calls by your baby. Because one day…we are all going to miss those times.

4 thoughts on “Change

  1. Hello Logan’s Mommy,
    I just saw your posts on Babycenter and my heart breaks for you. A couple of years ago someone I know also received this same diagnosis for their child, I encourage you to go to there is much information and support there.


  2. Another one from Babycenter… my heart is breaking. I am following Nolan, and followed another child who has since passed from Cancer. I didn’t think I had it in me for one more. But here I am. I can’t do anything but follow your story and show support.


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