Bittersweet Day

To preface this post, we were told Monday it would be best if we not get Logan out in public places anymore due to him possibly catching a cold. Its just not worth the risk. Today was our last trip into town with the exception of doctor appointments. Brett is working out a new schedule so he can drop off Lucas at school and with the help of a dear friend, bring him home afterwards so Logan and I don’t have to get out.

So the day started out wonderfully! Logan went swimming for the first time!!! He loved it πŸ™‚ Brittnay, Lucas’ swim teacher (and aquatics director at Springfield Gymnastics and Aquatics Center), helped us out and we had a great time! Logan moved so much in the water. He kicked his legs some. We honestly had no idea he could move his legs that much! He moves them a little during the morning, but by night time he only wiggles his feet a little. I’m unable to post the video here, but if you head over to our Facebook page you can find it there πŸ™‚ (https://www.facebook.com/LoganRuthSMA)

After swimming we headed to the Women’s Center to have Logan weighed. He now weighs a whopping 14lbs 13oz! The boy gained 13oz in one week! He has been eating really good :). Patty and Melissa (the lactation consultants) were both there and we had a good time catching up. Patty has been with us since the very beginning. She taught the breastfeeding basics class I attended while still pregnant. She stayed and talked with me for an hour afterwards. I was terrified I wasn’t going to be able to breastfeed. I also didn’t have a “normal” upbringing and was afraid I couldn’t bond with my baby.Β  Or not bond as much as I should. We laughed through our tears today recalling that conversation. I was so afraid back then I wouldn’t be attached. And yet now I have a full-on mommy’s boy whom I hate to even put down during the day.

After the weigh in, I stopped by my OBGYN’s office. I haven’t been there since six weeks postpartum and I wanted them to see Logan again. I love my nurses and doctor πŸ™‚ They were so wonderful through my pregnancy and afterwards. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, I started kicking myself for not getting a photo of the staff with Logan. 😦 Sleep deprivation isn’t making my brain as quick as it needs to be. Fingers crossed if we need to go in for a doctor appointment, I can stop by and get the picture.

I’ll be honest…I cried on the way to pick Lucas up at school. It was so bittersweet. We had a wonderful morning and it was great seeing everyone. But for now, we need to stay home to help preserve Logan’s good health. As I walked out of each place, I tried not to cry. I did feel some dread though. The thought that the next time I will walk through some of those doors, our baby boy will probably not be there with us.Β  I’m not ready for the cough assist machine to show up. I’m not ready to start using it once a day. By starting the machines…that means I have to accept this is really happening. Our baby boy whom we love so dearly will be getting weaker and need more help from us. I just can’t fathom it yet.

My heart aches tonight…

First swim!

First swim!

Gliding!

Gliding!

DSC05808

Hi Daddy :)

Hi Daddy πŸ™‚

Logan loved swimming!

Logan loved swimming!

Logan and Ms PattyWe love her!

Logan and Ms Patty
We love her!

6 thoughts on “Bittersweet Day

  1. I am so sorry that you had a good but bad day. I think u are a wonderful mommy, and have a special bond with Logan that no one would understand. The swimming picture are priceless! I hope u will be a ble to walk through all of those doors with your baby boy.

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  2. My heart aches with you when I read your posts. I found your story on babycenter and have followed you to your blog. I commend you on your strength and bravery to go through every difficult day. Logan is so lucky to have you as his mommy. He seems so happy in all the pictures and it brings tears to my eyes that such a beautiful and happy boy is going through such a process. My thoughts are with you this holiday season and pray for you to have many many more to celebrate with your precious baby. As I hold my baby boy every night, I will think of you and Logan.

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  3. I follow your blog through the babycenter post you had as well, and I just want to say that you and your beautiful boy are in my prayers. He has such an awesome smile. The swimming pictures made me tear up- especially the one where he is smiling all big at you. You are so strong, and he is so lucky to have you as his mommy.

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  4. Hi. I just read your blogs and wanted to say I am so deeply sorry for what your going through. You have such a beautiful baby boy. He looks perfect. I’m from the August baby board as well. I read my husband your story and he cried. You have touched our hearts. We hold our baby girl a little closer no. I pray for you and your family. I pray it will get easier for you and that Logan has a happy life. Your a strong and amazing woman. Good bless you.

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