I’ve said this before, but it truly is interesting how time has changed for us. It feels like a lifetime since we last saw Logan’s beautiful face and yet only yesterday at the same time.
This past week has been especially hard. There wasn’t any particular reason, no milestone per say. Yet, it was the slowest week of our lives. Saturday I took Lucas blueberry picking at a local farm. It has become a summer tradition for us. While we were away, Brett took down the crib.
- First night in the crib!!!
We were so excited when we finally had room for the crib! Logan had his own “permanent” bed. We have been talking about taking it down the past week or two, so I knew it was coming. It still was unnatural to see an empty space where it once was. We rearranged the bedroom so the empty spot isn’t so noticeable. My glider next to the window will not move though. Many times Logan and I sat looking at the trees and birds eating their seed.
For any who have grieved, they know it is a roller-coaster. Unfortunately, its not a fun one. Some days are better than others. There are days filled with smiles, laughter and truly feeling happy. Then there are days filled with smiles, laughter and feeling guilty for having a good day. And of course you can’t forget to mention the zombie days where you barely function and wonder why the sun is even shining on such a crappy day.
But regardless of feelings, time marches on. It does so with or without you . We found that to be true while Logan was with us. We tried to do lots things with him and create many memories to keep us company for a lifetime. The race to make the most of our time was on. Over the past 6 weeks, I’ve come to realize that the race is still on. Its just taken a slightly different form. Lucas is with us. Brett and I have each other. We still have to make our days count because life is fleeting, even for us.
Grieving is a process. A life long process. It involves every spectrum of emotion on any given day. As much as I would like to rewind and stop time. Or possibly speed it up a bit
nowadays, it doesn’t work like that. So once again we are faced with a choice: to be sad and wallow in sorrow day in and day out. Or try our best to get up, face the day and decide to make a difference in this world. (Some days, I do choose option 1…)
What would Logan choose? I think Logan would choose happiness. In fact, I know he would.
❤ Logan’s Last Smile ❤