July without Logan

Its been a little less than 3 months since Logan left us. And although it seems like forever, it didn’t truly hit until July came around.

The 4th was a bust. We were able to do some fireworks and watch a firework show with Lucas. It was his first “big” show. In the middle of it, I joked to Brett that Logan would have hated it. There were too many loud booms. If there was anything Logan hated, it was big booms…and carrots.
Yucky Carrots Mommy!

I’m sure the view from up above was beautiful though. And the whole sound barrier thing helped silence the big booms 🙂

Logan’s 1st birthday was hard. We tried to make it a good day, but it seemed like everything we did went wrong in some way. The balloons took forever to get filled, resulting in our pizza getting cold. Our cupcakes were spectacular as always ❤ 544398_10151750576703923_969430059_n
My best friend visited Logan before we got there and left an awesome truck  balloon. A July 2012 BBC mom made a small banner to fit on his special spot that said “Happy 1 Year Logan”. It was very surreal.

A big phrase while Logan was with us was “new normal”. We had to adjust to a new normal after diagnosis and then once again after he was gone. The new normal has not fallen upon us like I thought it would. Maybe that was me being naive or too hopeful. But we still feel very lost at times. There isn’t a schedule back in place (which has to change soon because school is coming up quick!). It was still hard to do normal things, although planning for our first big event helped take my mind off of that 🙂

Planning from the last 6-7 weeks finally came to an end on Saturday the 27th though. Our 1st Annual Logan Ruth 5k for SMA took place! It was a great success with over 170 people coming and raising over $2,000!!! It rained constantly Friday and many were afraid it wouldn’t be dry like the weatherman had in his forecast. But it was! It was so beautiful!!! The trees were a vibrant green and it was almost chilly first thing in the morning.

I am fairly sure I was being pulled in 5 different directions at once constantly and many times I was overcome by tears. Especially at the sight of all the runners, walkers, and strollers. We had people from 3 different states come out! Many supporters we had talked to on Facebook, we had the privilege of meeting in person! It was an amazing experience that I cannot wait to start working on for next year.

Our friend Michelle (who started On Angel’s Wings) came to take pictures for us. I will post them as soon as they are sent to me!

Over all the month of July was filled with many ups and downs. It brought our darkest moments and also most proud moments since after Logan left to run free. August is starting tomorrow. I’m not quite sure where this year has gone. Amazing how fast time flies whether you are having fun or not! August is SMA Awareness month and we have many plans to spread the awareness!! We will be at Farmers Market of the Ozarks the 10th & 24th. We are joining forces with Stacey’s Sweets in Ozark, Chick Fil-A and Usborne books!

While I’m not ready for more time to distant my last moment with my baby boy, I am ready to say goodbye to the hardest month yet. The grieving never stops, but I do look forward to the day where it isn’t so hard; where my joy outweighs my sorrow. I still go through our sympathy cards and we receive pictures and messages each week. The love for Logan is still so strong. It warms my heart everyday and helps me keep pushing forward.

The motto for August (and possibly the rest of my life): “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” ― Dr. Seuss

Smile…that’s what Logan would do 🙂
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Happy 1 year Birthday Logan!

Dear Logan,
Today you would have turned 1 year old. Or maybe 12 months since we did month birthdays 🙂 We went to the zoo, rode the train and fed giraffes. Big Brother Lucas was licked by the giraffe :). We purchased your biggest present ever. Today we paid for your monument. Its going to take a bit to get here because green granite comes from India, but it is going to be perfect. Special just for you. Later in the evening, we came to visit you like usual. There was pizza for dinner and special cupcakes for dessert.
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Yours had a train instead of a dinosaur. We know how much you loved riding the train and figured if you were still here with us, we would have had a big train party.

We bought 12 balloons to send to you, but a few didn’t make it :/ 521587_10151750574908923_2056798173_nI hope you loved the ones you did get 🙂 As the day ended and we were back at home, your favorite Little Einstein episode, Melody the Music Pet, was turned on. We watched, sang, and patted our laps to blast off with tears in our eyes.

Today, we celebrated you baby boy. We tried not to think of the “what ifs” or “might have beens”. Instead, we looked at pictures of your smile and some silly faces you made. There were videos we hadn’t watched before, showing your chatty side. (http://youtu.be/fLlDcrvByXw). We reminisced of when we brought you home and all the fun times we had.

Words can’t begin to describe how much we miss you Logan. How hard it was to celebrate your day, but you not physically being here with us. Everyday is difficult without you, but today…today was the hardest so far. And although we miss you so so much, we are so happy you are no longer in pain. That you are free from the body that trapped you, so you can run and play to your hearts content.

I hope you had a good birthday sweet squishy. We love you so much ❤

New born Logan

New born Logan

2012-07-26 16.58.09 2012-07-29 11.30.292012-08-16 11.27.42 2012-08-31 08.19.102012-09-15 16.40.132012-09-28 13.11.582012-10-20 08.07.23 2012-10-22 17.12.102012-11-18 14.16.59 2012-12-22 08.08.102012-12-25 17.21.442013-01-07 15.04.172013-01-08 08.49.13 2013-01-10 18.19.14 2013-01-18 14.38.322013-01-19 13.40.25 2013-02-13 14.40.26 2013-02-21 20.32.452013-02-24 18.53.42 2013-03-06 17.46.11 2013-03-06 18.19.482013-03-16 13.11.39-1 2013-04-06 12.08.07 2013-04-07 13.29.152013-04-10 08.00.12 2013-04-10 16.24.45 2013-04-19 16.13.23 2013-04-26 10.57.392013-04-28 15.03.46 2013-05-06 19.19.24 2013-05-07 20.12.10 2013-05-09 13.03.00544398_10151750576703923_969430059_n 970575_10151750578543923_1038974516_n 1001341_10151750576373923_1426146377_n

A huge thank you to the July 12 moms for Lucas' wonderful big brother present

A huge thank you to the July 12 moms for Lucas’ wonderful big brother present

Never goodbye...just see you later <3

Never goodbye…just see you later ❤

Scentsy for SMA Fundraiser!

A fellow July 2012 mom, Amanda, is doing a fundraiser for the foundation!!!

“I am doing a fundraiser to help the Ruth family raise money for the Logan Ruth Foundation. On my Scentsy website, perfectlyperfected.scentsy.us, I have an open party where you can purchase items and 25% of my commission will be donated to the foundation. The party runs from today 6/28/13-7/13/13.

Scentsy are wickless warmers that use low watt bulbs to melt fragrant waxes. It’s a great way to have a wonderful aroma without the worries of burning a candle. Check out my site perfectlyperfected.scentsy.us to help raise money for our July BBC angel.

The link is:
www.perfectlyperfected.scentsy.us

It is on my parties list under Logan Ruth Fundraiser.

Please pass it on, thanks.”

Don’t miss our exciting event in honor of Logan!!!

I’m super excited for this!!!

Be sure to register for our Logan Ruth 5k for SMA with Walk, Run or Roll!!! Online registration is now open!!! Visit: http://www.ozarkraces.com/search/event.aspx?id=21546. Registration forms can also be picked up at your local Family Pharmacy!

All proceeds will benefit the Logan Ruth SMA Foundation (yes!!! we are official!!!)!!! In honor of Logan, we will spread SMA awareness (especially in the Ozarks), help support newly diagnosed families, and push forward in the fight for a cure!

Remember, if you register before July 14th, you will receive an awesome 1st Annual Logan Ruth 5k for SMA shirt! If you are unable to attend the 5k, but still want to donate, please visit https://ssl.4agoodcause.com/cfozarks/donation1.aspx?id=1!

Feel free to ask any questions! Sponsorships are also available! Please email us for more details! LoganRuth5k@gmail.com

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Dear Logan – Happy 11 Month Birthday

Dear Logan,
Today, you would have turned 11 months. We celebrated with you like we normally would, only you weren’t physically with us this time. A new tradition was started today. There was still pizza for dinner and cupcakes for dessert (Ms Stacey made a cupcake just for you today. You would have loved the green icing and little dinosaur <3). However, we ate at your “spot” so that we could be close to you to celebrate. We sent you a few balloons and brought you some green flowers 🙂

I can’t believe it, but it has also been almost a month since we last saw you smile. Where has the time gone? We all miss you terribly baby boy. While visiting you, Lucas was walking around your spot. A few times he stopped to play “peek a boo” with you. My heart yearns to see you again: to hug you, kiss you, and dance with you. Until then, we will just keep pushing forward, sharing your beautiful smile with the world.

❤ We love you Logan, with all our hearts. So many miss you. Keep watching over all of us handsome boy. ❤

Lucas with his special Big Brother cupcake

Lucas with his special Big Brother cupcake

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We even found a red feather :)

We even found a red feather 🙂

Sweet baby boy

Sweet baby boy

Dear Logan…

Dear Logan baby,
Where do I even begin… We miss you so so much. Even though we know it was your time to go and how the 11 days of sleeping was your way of preparing us, their is an empty spot in our lives now that you are gone. I know you have done your best to let us know you are near. The morning you past, we heard you in the train. Rarely did we hear a train in the house, but the day you left us it sounded like they were going to run us over in our living room!

We picked out your “stone” (as Lucas calls it) on Wednesday. I am looking forward to it being placed in the next few months. Its taking a while because it is green granite, but I know you would have loved it. No one else has one just like it. It is special, just like you ❤

Today was your service and we laid your body to rest. It was so perfect baby boy. Our Chaplin did such a great job talking and a beautiful picture video was played. It even had a Michael Buble song you used to fall asleep to in it. At the end, we played your video of laughing at the breaking foam airplane. There were many tears, but also smiles and some laughter.

Yesterday it rained all day and we were worried it would rain out your balloon release today. However, the rain just made everything a more vibrant green. It was cloudy, but nice. We were all outside by your plot holding our balloons. Big brother Lucas yelled out “3, 2, 1 lift off!” and we all let go. As the balloons went up, the clouds parted to let the sun through. The balloons went straight up to you ❤ I know how much you loved your balloons baby.

Speaking of balloons, many many others sent balloons to you too! All over the US and from a few other countries from what I briefly read. I cry every time I see go to your Facebook page. You are so loved baby boy. Not only by us, but by so many others. I know you are looking over us as well as your July baby brothers and sisters.

Oh Logan…I feel lost without you, but know I must keep pushing forward with life. I promised you didn’t have to fight anymore. I would fight for you. And fight I will. I’m not sure where I will find the strength, but I will never break that promise to you. Tomorrow is a new day. A day to celebrate our love for you. A day for more to learn about SMA. A day to take a step forward into our new normal…as hard as it might be. I don’t want to clean or move your medicines. I hate that we are getting your equipment together to return. I haven’t driven my own car yet. I cringe at the thought of taking out your car seat or Daddy breaking down your crib.  I do look forward to hanging up pictures of your beautiful smile. We have cards we can hand out to tell others about you and SMA.

Oh baby boy, I just miss you so much. Its so hard to be without you. When I start doubting everything, I look at the last picture I took of you. You look so peaceful, almost happy. It gives me comfort ❤

I love you Logan boy. Always will…

“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”
A.A. Milne

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Balloons going to Logan

Our last picture of Logan, 10 min before he passed. I love him so much. This picture gives me peace with the last days <3

Our last picture of Logan, 10 min before he passed. I love him so much. This picture gives me peace with the last days ❤

Celebration of Life Service – Today

Today at 2pm is Logan’s public service with graveside service immediately after. We will be having a balloon release in honor of Logan ♥ It will be at Klingner-Cope Rivermonte in Springfield, MO (http://goo.gl/maps/o8zFY)

We welcome everyone to come and celebrate/remember our boy. The both services will be casual and we encourage everyone to wear something green (No Black!!!) 🙂 If you are not able to come, please feel free to wear green in honor of Logan wherever you are in the world. If you are doing a balloon release, please make sure the balloons are 100% latex and hand tied.

If you would like to donate to the family, you can do so here ->https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/eQQYa