Its been a little less than 3 months since Logan left us. And although it seems like forever, it didn’t truly hit until July came around.
The 4th was a bust. We were able to do some fireworks and watch a firework show with Lucas. It was his first “big” show. In the middle of it, I joked to Brett that Logan would have hated it. There were too many loud booms. If there was anything Logan hated, it was big booms…and carrots.
I’m sure the view from up above was beautiful though. And the whole sound barrier thing helped silence the big booms 🙂
Logan’s 1st birthday was hard. We tried to make it a good day, but it seemed like everything we did went wrong in some way. The balloons took forever to get filled, resulting in our pizza getting cold. Our cupcakes were spectacular as always ❤
My best friend visited Logan before we got there and left an awesome truck balloon. A July 2012 BBC mom made a small banner to fit on his special spot that said “Happy 1 Year Logan”. It was very surreal.
A big phrase while Logan was with us was “new normal”. We had to adjust to a new normal after diagnosis and then once again after he was gone. The new normal has not fallen upon us like I thought it would. Maybe that was me being naive or too hopeful. But we still feel very lost at times. There isn’t a schedule back in place (which has to change soon because school is coming up quick!). It was still hard to do normal things, although planning for our first big event helped take my mind off of that 🙂
Planning from the last 6-7 weeks finally came to an end on Saturday the 27th though. Our 1st Annual Logan Ruth 5k for SMA took place! It was a great success with over 170 people coming and raising over $2,000!!! It rained constantly Friday and many were afraid it wouldn’t be dry like the weatherman had in his forecast. But it was! It was so beautiful!!! The trees were a vibrant green and it was almost chilly first thing in the morning.
I am fairly sure I was being pulled in 5 different directions at once constantly and many times I was overcome by tears. Especially at the sight of all the runners, walkers, and strollers. We had people from 3 different states come out! Many supporters we had talked to on Facebook, we had the privilege of meeting in person! It was an amazing experience that I cannot wait to start working on for next year.
Our friend Michelle (who started On Angel’s Wings) came to take pictures for us. I will post them as soon as they are sent to me!
Over all the month of July was filled with many ups and downs. It brought our darkest moments and also most proud moments since after Logan left to run free. August is starting tomorrow. I’m not quite sure where this year has gone. Amazing how fast time flies whether you are having fun or not! August is SMA Awareness month and we have many plans to spread the awareness!! We will be at Farmers Market of the Ozarks the 10th & 24th. We are joining forces with Stacey’s Sweets in Ozark, Chick Fil-A and Usborne books!
While I’m not ready for more time to distant my last moment with my baby boy, I am ready to say goodbye to the hardest month yet. The grieving never stops, but I do look forward to the day where it isn’t so hard; where my joy outweighs my sorrow. I still go through our sympathy cards and we receive pictures and messages each week. The love for Logan is still so strong. It warms my heart everyday and helps me keep pushing forward.
The motto for August (and possibly the rest of my life): “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” ― Dr. Seuss