Dear Logan…

Dear Logan baby,
Where do I even begin… We miss you so so much. Even though we know it was your time to go and how the 11 days of sleeping was your way of preparing us, their is an empty spot in our lives now that you are gone. I know you have done your best to let us know you are near. The morning you past, we heard you in the train. Rarely did we hear a train in the house, but the day you left us it sounded like they were going to run us over in our living room!

We picked out your “stone” (as Lucas calls it) on Wednesday. I am looking forward to it being placed in the next few months. Its taking a while because it is green granite, but I know you would have loved it. No one else has one just like it. It is special, just like you ❤

Today was your service and we laid your body to rest. It was so perfect baby boy. Our Chaplin did such a great job talking and a beautiful picture video was played. It even had a Michael Buble song you used to fall asleep to in it. At the end, we played your video of laughing at the breaking foam airplane. There were many tears, but also smiles and some laughter.

Yesterday it rained all day and we were worried it would rain out your balloon release today. However, the rain just made everything a more vibrant green. It was cloudy, but nice. We were all outside by your plot holding our balloons. Big brother Lucas yelled out “3, 2, 1 lift off!” and we all let go. As the balloons went up, the clouds parted to let the sun through. The balloons went straight up to you ❤ I know how much you loved your balloons baby.

Speaking of balloons, many many others sent balloons to you too! All over the US and from a few other countries from what I briefly read. I cry every time I see go to your Facebook page. You are so loved baby boy. Not only by us, but by so many others. I know you are looking over us as well as your July baby brothers and sisters.

Oh Logan…I feel lost without you, but know I must keep pushing forward with life. I promised you didn’t have to fight anymore. I would fight for you. And fight I will. I’m not sure where I will find the strength, but I will never break that promise to you. Tomorrow is a new day. A day to celebrate our love for you. A day for more to learn about SMA. A day to take a step forward into our new normal…as hard as it might be. I don’t want to clean or move your medicines. I hate that we are getting your equipment together to return. I haven’t driven my own car yet. I cringe at the thought of taking out your car seat or Daddy breaking down your crib.  I do look forward to hanging up pictures of your beautiful smile. We have cards we can hand out to tell others about you and SMA.

Oh baby boy, I just miss you so much. Its so hard to be without you. When I start doubting everything, I look at the last picture I took of you. You look so peaceful, almost happy. It gives me comfort ❤

I love you Logan boy. Always will…

“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”
― A.A. Milne

Balloons going to Logan

Our last picture of Logan, 10 min before he passed. I love him so much. This picture gives me peace with the last days ❤